that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
