I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
