How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
The power of my boobs compel you
Randomize
