I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
