Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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