when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
