im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
