The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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