This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
