So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
