i was born a porn star she said
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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