you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Too much gin, very little bucket
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Randomize
