i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
