I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
