maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Randomize
