Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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