I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
You dont lie about slip and slides
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
