maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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