haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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