So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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