i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
