oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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