my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
