i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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