umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
