her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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