i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Randomize
