Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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