You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
