she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
