dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
