i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
