My friends, they love my intelligence
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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