my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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