I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
