I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
