last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
