she was so not down for the gang bang
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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