Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
