There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Randomize
