I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
