Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
