Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
