let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Randomize
