it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
