I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
