lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
