I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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