arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
