Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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