i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
