I'll bet she douches with gravy.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
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