I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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