Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
