I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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