When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
