Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize