I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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