Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
