forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
