Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
