yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I currently don't understand fingers.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
