you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
