So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
