i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
