she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
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