don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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