Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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