Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize