My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
