I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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