so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
