Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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