Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
