his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
