bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize