I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
