I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Randomize
