hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
