mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
