Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
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