My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
