THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
