he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
it was like having sex with a tree stump
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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