I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
