i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
