my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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