so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
