Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
