so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Send help, water and tortillas.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
