shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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