if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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