So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
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