I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
