Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
