I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
this boner is exhausting
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
