would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
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